This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
