This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
