I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
