I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
