What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
