So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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