My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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