then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
