i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
When are your genitals available?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
