sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
