Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
nutella sex= disaster
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
