if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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