so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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