My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize