Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize