i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
