I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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