we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
pray to the hookup gods
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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