peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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