Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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