Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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