I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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