I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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