Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This baby is an asshole
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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