Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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