I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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