Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
