Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
