Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
soo... how was my night?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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