Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
