he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
