Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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