Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
