i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I intend to get homeless drunk
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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