Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
