So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize