he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
