Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
