I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize