On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
