yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
