So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Success! We fucked roommates!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
