How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
