you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
