What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
lol hangovers are for mortals.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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