Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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