I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
