oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
