I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
