Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
