You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
