my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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