READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
