Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sorry about my life...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
