Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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