All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he thought i was a dude.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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