life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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