There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
