About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I looked at my own cervix.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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