FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
