Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we're making bets on your personal life
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
