im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
