I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
