if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
