either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize