Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
