did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
