Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
