Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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